I turned 25 years young/old a week ago. With such a significant birthday milestone (It’s a quarter of a century, babe!) came a good amount of reflection. On Instagram, I raved about all I get to experience in this life — past, present, and future — and how lucky I feel to have done so much over two and a half decades. Here, I want to share 25 (because, of course) of my favorite principles and ideas that guide me. Several, if not many, are attributed to authors, poets, or others. That’s a testament to all I absorb and learn from everyone else on this planet. All of them have my thoughts tagged on. Some ideas, mantras, or pieces of wisdom I’ve carried with me for several years. Others have shown themselves worthy of this list in recent days or weeks. So, there’s a variety represented here.
It’s a list I didn’t have to put too much thought into and I think that’s positive. To a degree, it’s instinctual. I was most excited to compile and write this for future me, who will analyze this list at the age of, by the grace of God, 50 or 75. I imagine that elder Nick will have a lot to say about how well these held up, which remained as steadfast anchors, and which fell by the wayside. For now, I find great comfort in leading a life guided and inspired by these ideas I’ve dubbed personal principles. Perhaps you’ll take something with you from this list. I hope so. Without further ado, in no particular order, here are 25 truths I presently cherish:
1. There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you. | Maya Angelou
Speak your truth. Share your feelings. Communicate fully. Any pain potentially associated with releasing that story is nothing compared to the burden of keeping it tucked away. This is especially true for LGBTQIA+ folks.
2. The beauty of you is not where you are perfect. It is where you are brave. | Cleo Wade
How lucky I am to be alive to experience Cleo Wade’s brilliance as it happens. “Perfect” is so boring. Brave actions lead to the most fun and the greatest sense of being alive. You’ll experience beauty and you’ll embody beauty when you’re brave.
3. Be afraid and do it anyway.
Perhaps my bedrock mantra. This is one I share with others most frequently. The opportunities and experiences I’ve said yes to that changed my life the most were those I was most afraid of. Folks say decisions are better when they’re based more on your curiosity than your fear, but honestly the more fearful you feel, the more sure you can be it’s the right step. Some variations: Fear is interest paid on a debt you may not owe, Worry doesn’t rob tomorrow of its sorrow; it saps today of its joy.
4. Unexpressed expectation is premeditated resentment.
Read it again. People can’t read your mind, nor should you expect them to try. Don’t under-communicate, no matter how well you think you know someone.
5. Don’t accept the status quo.
The status quo nearly always benefits those who are already in power, have exorbitant wealth and resources, or who enrich their lives by exploiting the labor, intellect, and spirit of everybody else. Challenge the process and lead with deep curiosity when faced with circumstances, systems, and institutions that resist change. Let’s see those problems as possibilities for progress.
6. You are made out of love and the amount of love you can give away is infinite.
TRULY. Give it away! Share it! Spread it!
7. Focus less on if they like you and more on whether you even like them (in interviews, on dates, with social networks).
Shift that mindset. It takes practice, but it’s essential to crafting a community of care, joy, and ease around you in every aspect of your life.
8. Take your ancestors with you. | Maya Angelou
One of my favorite pieces of wisdom from Ms. Angelou. You have been poured into. You stand on the shoulders of those before you. Your ancestors can carry, uplift, support, protect, and enlighten you if you let them. Let them brighten your aura and lighten your load, for nothing can take them from you. In moments of stress, celebration, crowded rooms, solitude, high stakes — bring ‘em with you.
9. It takes courage to say yes to rest and play in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol. | Brené Brown
Read Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey. Your sleep deprivation isn’t a marker of success. You can’t pour from an empty cup. It’s not even always your responsibility to pour from your cup. Rest, rest, and rest some more. Be careful not to claim certain draining activities (e.g., endless scrolling) as rest. Discover what’s restful for you. As Tricia would tell you, the purpose of rest isn’t to ensure you’re ready with energy to hop back on the hedonic treadmill. Rest to rest. You don’t have to offset it with labor, grind, or exhaustion to earn it. Just rest.
10. Would you like to be helped, heard, or hugged?
Ask this of yourself and of others. Respect the answer someone gives you. Resist the urge to solve someone’s problem if they just want to be heard or hugged.
11. How can I hate grief when it reminds me of how much I Iove? | Francesca Bartoli Giaimo
To grieve is to bear witness to the love you were able to give and receive. What an immense blessing.
12. If you have some power, then your job is to empower somebody else. | Toni Morrison
Meet your needs, but don’t reach beyond that at the expense of others. Open doors, build bridges, share a table, pull up a chair for someone, shift power. Create a butterfly effect.
13. Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing. | Teddy Roosevelt
Much like Theodore, I see it as a privilege to dedicate my work to causes I care about. Work worth doing will be interpreted differently by everyone. For me, nothing could be more worthy than working toward a world in which hunger and poverty cease to exist. That’s worth doing and it really feels like a prize to be able to do what I can to make it a reality. As I noted in my last post here, there’s peace, purpose, and promise in that endeavor. I’m taking life up on its offer to work hard at work worth doing.
14. Ground yourself in the joyful parts of life (be where your feet are).
God, there can be so much silly, gluttonous joy in a day if you seek out the mundane moments that define human existence. As much as you can, or desire, release yourself from the constraints of a routine and the expected to observe, witness, and relish in the simplest moments that elicit gratitude. Beauty abounds for the eyes willing to behold it. Use your senses and don’t take ‘em for granted.
15. It’s gonna work out. What’s meant for you won’t miss you. There’s a reason for every season.
I hear these frequently. As vague or distant or baseless as these statements can seem, they often bring me comfort, and that’s enough.
16. Affirming, loving, encouraging, empowering, validating, complimenting, and giving to others is often the quickest path to self-compassion, self-confidence, and self-love
If it’s selfish to do good deeds for others, in part, because it makes me feel good, then so be it. Two or more motives can exist simultaneously. I wholeheartedly believe in the power of spreading well-being, shifting wealth, and uplifting spirits as a means to help others. It’s purpose-driven. And having a purpose is a surefire way to achieve, as mentioned, self-love, self-compassion, and self-confidence.
17. Cynicism is cowardice masking itself as toughness. It’s a fear of believing in something, for fear you’ll just be disappointed. It’s totally understandable but that’s all it is, fear transformed into a coping mechanism. | Ryan Grim
This one can lead to a reckoning for a lot of folks. I’ve naturally never been the cynical type, but this idea certainly reiterates why I’ve gravitated toward hopefulness and not cynicism. Something you believed in not working out should undoubtedly cause you to yell “plot twist,” but I hope it doesn’t make you any less likely to believe in the next thing.
18. Your accomplishments do not determine your worth.
Period. You are inherently worthy, valuable, and rare. Your existence makes you worthy. Your worth is not devalued by insufficient funds, accolades, friends, or effort.
19. Hope is a disciplined practice. | DeRay Mckesson
It just is. Practice it well. Practice it often. Have it. Hold it.
20. Few activities bring me as much peaceful and restful joy as sitting somewhere and watching people pass by.
I’m determined to see as many faces in my life as I can. It’s a bonus to interact with or recognize someone. I want to see people existing, going about their days, living a life as vivid and complex as my own (I.e., sonder). Watching people can elicit the full range of human emotion, but I find it tends to be the softer feelings that bubble to the surface most often. People-watching is such a meditative activity for me. It brings me an unbridled peace that keeps a smile on my face. It’s also restful because I’m typically sitting. I was probably made to live in a quaint French town or a coastal Italian village where a cafe’s chairs face outward toward the passersby. Let me spend eternity in one of those seats.
21. Having something to look forward to, no matter how small, is an easy way to unlock the pleasure of anticipation.
Tomorrow’s breakfast. A beautiful sunny day in the forecast. Hugs from friends or family you’ll see soon. Waves crashing on a beach during your upcoming vacation. A sweet treat tonight. Sleep. Your favorite holiday. The weekend farmers market. Sitting down in a chair. Horizontal time on the floor or, even better, on a couch or in a bed. A sporting event. The end of a shitty task. A shower. A party. Find something to carry you through. Gleefully anticipate it without abandon.
22. You can be a good person with a kind heart and still say no.
Determining when to say yes and when to say no is one of life’s most prominent balancing acts. But when it comes to declining an offer, invite, or request, don’t let a worry about your status as a good and decent person get in the way. You’re often doing folks a favor when you say no to something you don’t want to do because why on Earth would folks want to be around you when you’re not bringing your full, unadulterated self? Protect your energy. You’ll be ready to show up the next time, or maybe the time after that. Above all, take care of yourself. If that means saying no, everyone involved is likely better off for it.
23. You are not the voice of the mind. You’re the one that hears it.
When you can, let your thoughts pass through you like ambiguous clouds on an otherwise sunny day. They can float on by. It’s okay. The mind has a mind of its own. It’s not your responsibility to react to every cloud that passes through.
24. Lean into the hard; do it miserably if you have to.
Fighting against the confusion, misery, fear, pain, despair, struggle, or stress does little but make it stronger. It’s okay to complain or cry. Don’t “should” yourself into feeling a certain way. I find that accepting the disdain for a task, event, or duty can ease its burden by openly making it known to yourself that you’re actively choosing to get something done despite (or perhaps because of) how hard or miserable it is. Embrace it and you might find it funny just how awful it is.
25. Not every ground is a battleground. | Cleo Wade
Decipher and choose wisely. Trust your gut and instincts, whatever that means to you. You won’t have the time, energy, or means for it all. That’s okay. You’ll be okay. Not everyone is trying to provoke you and not every potential argument is worth your peace.
Nick Battles 